Convo

After just getting off the telephone with my father for an hour, always leaves me upset in one way or another.  This time we talked about helping my mom get a flight out to Italy to see my uncle who is suffering from not 1 but 2 strokes leaving him with no capability to speak or walk.  Then he moves on to other rants of no work, Christmas, and how he is proud of my with my accomplishments.  This should normally make someone happy in a way, right? It was quite sad actually.  He of course brings up all the past life-threatening situations, past memories, school, and my relationship with Matt. He told me a couple nights ago he had a vivid dream of when he was teaching me how to ski down the bunny hill in my bright pink snow suit and pink panther boots when I was 4 or 5. That was weird because I was talking about that with Matt a couple days ago.  Every time I see or talk to my dad now, I always feel odd afterwards.  Nothing is the same, and I feel like he is not my dad.  My dad was an outgoing, funny, exciting, great conversationalist, comforting, and most of all, loving.  Now I hear and see a bitter, reserved, depressed, and negative person.  Most of our conversations now consist of the negative aspects of life, which just bogs me down and makes me feel sorry for him. Making me forget the fact that he did this to himself and our family, when he decided to go off with whom I would rather not speak the name of.  He then brought up the subject of family and how my step-step-grandma (I think this is what you would call your 3rd 'gma' when grandpa is divorced, widowed, and then remarried again?) is going to counseling for her "bitterness" towards everyone. I guess 'step-step-gma' was trying hurt my mom for some reason, even though she always tells me to tell my mom Hi and whatnot.  My dad told me not to be so naive.  I told him that I might be naive but I don't feel like I should always be suspicious about my family and not believe what they tell me. Whats the point in family then? They should always be the #1 people in your life to trust. Of course that's my opinion.