New horizons

Yesterday was my very first night in an apartment with my best friend Jade in Madison, Wi. She has been subletting this apartment for a couple months and it only lasts till August 13th. We are still anxiously waiting to hear back from this other apartment thats absolutely perfect. Anyways, last night began pretty rocky, but later ended up ok. It was the usual case of misunderstanding and whatnot. I told her that Matt was planning on helping me out with bringing my things up, since the apt is 4 flights up with no elevator and I have a bad knee. Well she said that I hadn't told her and she was "upset" that I didn't ask her. Anyways I went back to rockford this morning and spent the day with Matt. We had a great time, but we both had major headaches after completely falling apart when Jade went to bed last night. We have been together for 4 years and been living together. Now i'm up here and he's planning on going to SIUC for the fall semester. I spent hours late night into the morning crying my eyes out, while he held me so tight. After our time together today, I had to watch him leave to go back to Chicago, I crumbled again and feel a sense of emptiness. Now i'm sitting in the living room of Jade's sublet wondering about things. I know it is going to take time to get used to; a new job, a new city, a new place to live, etc.
Madison is not too new to me. After all I lived here for a couple years back in the day at UW. I do really like it here. I love the fact that we are a block from state street and everything, we can walk to dinner, bars, clubs, shopping. Where in the burbs and all we had to drive and drive to go somewhere sitting in major traffic.
I am really excited to finally have the beginning of my dream come true. I am not a MAC cosmetics makeup artist :D I can even remember how many times I applied for a position. After 5 loooong interviews, I am in. It is the beginning of a long and amazing road.
Tomorrow is my first day at MAC. I am very excited but more nervous than anything. I have met all but 1 person there and they are all really nice. I can't wait to learn though. Learn better techniques, info, and product. Hope it goes well tomorrow :]

Convo

After just getting off the telephone with my father for an hour, always leaves me upset in one way or another.  This time we talked about helping my mom get a flight out to Italy to see my uncle who is suffering from not 1 but 2 strokes leaving him with no capability to speak or walk.  Then he moves on to other rants of no work, Christmas, and how he is proud of my with my accomplishments.  This should normally make someone happy in a way, right? It was quite sad actually.  He of course brings up all the past life-threatening situations, past memories, school, and my relationship with Matt. He told me a couple nights ago he had a vivid dream of when he was teaching me how to ski down the bunny hill in my bright pink snow suit and pink panther boots when I was 4 or 5. That was weird because I was talking about that with Matt a couple days ago.  Every time I see or talk to my dad now, I always feel odd afterwards.  Nothing is the same, and I feel like he is not my dad.  My dad was an outgoing, funny, exciting, great conversationalist, comforting, and most of all, loving.  Now I hear and see a bitter, reserved, depressed, and negative person.  Most of our conversations now consist of the negative aspects of life, which just bogs me down and makes me feel sorry for him. Making me forget the fact that he did this to himself and our family, when he decided to go off with whom I would rather not speak the name of.  He then brought up the subject of family and how my step-step-grandma (I think this is what you would call your 3rd 'gma' when grandpa is divorced, widowed, and then remarried again?) is going to counseling for her "bitterness" towards everyone. I guess 'step-step-gma' was trying hurt my mom for some reason, even though she always tells me to tell my mom Hi and whatnot.  My dad told me not to be so naive.  I told him that I might be naive but I don't feel like I should always be suspicious about my family and not believe what they tell me. Whats the point in family then? They should always be the #1 people in your life to trust. Of course that's my opinion. 

Harry Potter

So I was never really intrigued in this series until recently.  I have no idea why, but I had a sudden itch to begin 

a Harry Potter movie marathon. I was pleasantly surprised when I enjoyed them.  I am now reading the books. So 

far so good, obviously the books are always better than the films.  

In general though, I have been on a book reading spree.  Any suggestions on new books would be greatly 

appreciated! 

i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me

i carry it in my heart

i am never without it

anywhere i go you go,my dear; 

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling

i fear no fate

for you are my fate, my sweet

i want no world

for beautiful you are my world, my true

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; 

which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart

i carry it in my heart

~e.e. cummings~

set it free...

You know that saying, "If you love something set it free..."
Well I think that easier said than done. For the past three years, I have missed my dad. I have tried to forgive him for what he's done and tried my hardest to keep our relationship as normal as possible, but I feel like he just doesn't care and his new life is the most important thing now.  Everyday I think about him and I wish those memories were still part of reality.  He wasn't there for me when my boyfriend died in a crash, he wasn't there with me when I found out I was sick again, he told me I didn't have a father anymore, and the worst of all, he may not be there to walk me down the isle. So, I am going to try to believe in that quote, "If you love something set it free, if it comes back, it was meant to be, if it doesn't it never was." In the end I know God will provide and take care of things, I can only hope things happen sooner than later. <3

Makeuploveer giveaway

Im super excited for this! check it out on http://makeuploveer.blogspot.com/2010/09/mac-giveaway.html!!!

Venomous Villians

I am certainly excited for this collection to come out! I am a huge Disney enthusiast, so September 30th can't come soon enough... Here is a sneak peek at the 4 villains of the collection ~ Cruella De Vil, Evil Queen from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, and lastly Dr. Facilier from The Princess and the Frog.